metamorphosis rant

we all love a good transformation story.

before and after. like a glow up that’s almost unrecognisable. or a rebranding so grand and extravagant. and somehow growing up i mostly used to fantasize a noticeable transformation. like i’d wake up one day and just boom - new mindset, new aura, a glowing skin, a grade topper, or maybe lesser emotional breakdowns.

i don’t think we talk enough of how embarrassing it is on most days. like the way we romanticize metamorphosis. caterpillar, cocoon, butterfly. very cinematic, very Pinteresty.

but who’s gonna talk about the middle of it all? like the weird, damp, uncomfortable middle where you don’t exactly look like who you were ‘before’ and you definitely aren’t who you’re becoming either. you’re just stuck in a chaotic transition. like a software update frozen at 61%.

and this is the thing with ‘human metamorphosis’ it isn’t cinematic. no loud opening music or wind blowing in your hair while you’re walking nonchalant on the streets. it’s actually something very random and you don’t even realise it happening till it’s almost through.

the way we romanticize butterflies, for example, but choose to remain entirely entirely oblivious of the fact that they literally dissolve inside the cocoon (well, even i didn’t knew about it and recently it popped up on a reel). their bodies break down into this biological soup before reorganizing into wings. and that’s, that’s the part we skip in self-help podcasts.

but metamorphosis is not always about all things transformative or visibly inspiring. i remember outgrowing my dreams and interests one by one with each passing passing night. and becoming more and more of the version of myself that just keeps looking back in time wishing to go and turn this cycle of time around. i’ve recently re-started a lot of the things i used to love before. and one of them is creating art and watching cartoons. nothing grand and extravagant, but it keeps my heart beating. we aren’t always like ‘oh my god, i am entering a new phase right now very second and i miss my old self so much’. instead it’s more like it hits you randomly all of a sudden in the middle of the day or during the shower that you are very different from who you used to be.

and then there’s the internet really just over-hyping and speeding up the process of metamorphosis in real life. like a 30 second reel gone too far and too south. but why is always something better happening by the end of those clips. like no mis-haps, no accidental phone drops in the process, no background noise. it’s really pretty smooth and artificial sometimes when it gets too much filtered.

so here’s my real question, are we becoming butterflies or shape-shifters? because butterflies have an end goal. meanwhile shapeshifters just….adapt. the version of you that thrives in chaos isn’t the same one that falls in love. the one that has survived heartbreak will not be the one walking into a new job. so maybe metamorphosis was never about becoming beautiful, finished, or defined. maybe it’s about staying fluid and slightly unstable. a little unsettled by permanence. and honestly that feels more human.

and humans are allowed to be under-construction. or to be in a state of constant renovation.

so hear me out, it’s never gonna help to constantly keep getting overwhelmed by soft personality deaths or identity fatigue. we can’t be so rigid and keep fearing to let go of things. we don’t live inside a box so why should our personality be? we have been shape-shifting almost everyday ever since forever. and metamorphosis is just a romanticised version of this with an end goal in sight.

i don’t care if metamorphosis isn’t aesthetic for me. i glitch, i upgrade, sometimes become a beta version of myself, un-installing and re-installing habits, experimenting with identities like outfits. but i am glad it’s honest.